Are you a people pleaser?

People pleasers tend to be empathic souls and pick up on the sadness, troubles and hardships of everyone around them, which makes them feel obligated to help out. Now, obviously it's a lovely quality to have, to want to help others when they are in need. However, if it's not done in moderation or with personal boundaries in place, then this kind of gesture can become problematic.

The people pleaser wants to constantly help out everyone in their lives and, when you constantly help out everyone that might be struggling, they can sometimes become dependent on that help. In particular, dependent on the one person that they know will drop everything and help them out.

So what can then happen is, the people pleaser starts to “collect” people who are dependent on them. Meaning they get less and less time for themselves until they come to a point where they either end up feeling resentful, become anxious or are left feeling empty or numb, at worst total burnout.

So where does the need to please everyone come from?

Typically, people pleasers are:

Afraid of being abandoned or rejected.

Worried what others will think of them if they say no.

Unsure of what their own needs are.

Always seeking approval from others, no matter who they are.

Are hurt when others do not reciprocate support in the same way they do.

And find saying no impossible.

There are many reasons why some of us become people pleasers, which can be looked at in therapy, to help identify where this need originates from.

In the meantime here are some alternative ways of saying no.

I’ll think about it and come back to you.

Ive decided not to

This is hard for me to say but I don't want to.

That doesn't feel right for me at this time.

I understand your perspective, however…..

I hear what you're saying but that isn't how I see it.